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  • Writer's pictureAmy Reeve

Feeling like a failure? This is what you need to know.

Updated: Dec 18, 2020

Find yourself feeling like a failure?

Your relationship didn’t work out because you failed, right?

What if you had tried harder? Not said what you did? Not acted in this way?

Do you find yourself feeling like a total failure because your relationship has ended? Other people seem to work through problems. Other people’s partners love them enough to stay.

This is one of the biggest problems my clients face during the breakdown of a relationship.

This upsets me so much, because it’s often the reason people stay in grief for so long after the end of a relationship and why they feel like they may never find love again.

The truth is, YOU did not fail. Your relationship failed. Your inner critic that tells you that you are not worthy enough or good enough wants you to think that this is your fault. It wants you to think you did everything wrong. It wants you to believe that in the future you will make the same mistakes again. This keeps you stuck. In grief, in despair, in pain.

The moment I stopped forcing myself to relive what I could have done differently, or what choices I could have made to not be in the situation I was now facing, I freed myself from the feeling of failure. It hurt me for so long, and became exhausting.

You are not what happens to you. You are more than your failures. You are more than your accomplishments. All you can do is control how you react to the things that happen to you. This is what you can own. Do you want to feel this way in a year’s time or do you want to level up, take the lessons and be stronger, wiser, braver this time next year?

You can make these changes right now and start to feel a difference.

1. Think about your values and the traits you think you have that make you distinctly you. You will likely feel good about yourself when you reflect on your core values, vs what has or has not gone right for you.

2. Ask a friend what they value most about you. Really listen and take in the positives.

3. Write a list of all your accomplishments in the last 5 years.

Things do not always work out as we had hoped. That’s an unfortunate fact of life. How you feel and act about it is down to you. If you truly want to break free from feeling like a failure, worrying you aren’t enough or that this is all your fault, reach out to me to discuss working together.

‘’Letting go means to come to a realisation that some people are part of your history, but not a part of your destiny’’ Steve Maraboli

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